Sometimes it’s really easy to be angry with China, really easy to be angry in China. It’s not hard to feel dejected when someone is frustrated with my Chinese skills. It’s especially not hard to curse China’s internet when I rely on it for homework, communication in and outside of China, and other commitments like my blogs. The staring, as I’ve already mentioned, is especially irritating, and I think I’d be about 10 kuai richer for every time this week someone’s yelled “Wai guo ren! (foreigner)” as I walked by or took my picture when they thought I wasn’t looking. Then I think about my program and I want to scream sometimes when it gets too difficult. Why is it still so hard to say what I want to say in Chinese? Why don’t my teachers want me to take notes in class? Why do we have so much homework? (And why in the world does China have black people toothpaste?)

Here’s a video I found about this, if you’re interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vZQPasHsVg

However, it’s also refreshing to know that I have friends and classmates going through the same thing. Sometimes it’s easy for all of us to pretend like we’re all getting on well, that these things don’t really get to us, but it’s so relieving when someone opens up to you about what frustrates them for a number of reasons: 1) You know that other people are still adjusting, 2) You may share similar frustrations and can work your way through them together, and 3) even if you don’t share the same problem, you know they trust you to listen and try to understand. Yesterday, as I walked to the bank with a group of friends, a friend from my college expressed his anger towards bike riders in China. For those who don’t know, the bike share industry is booming in Beijing, with a large number of people traveling throughout the city preferring to ride bikes. Quite similarly to the U.S., bike riders here seem to believe they are separate from pedestrians and always have the right of way (do they? I’m not really sure, honestly). I’m embarrassed by the number of times I’ve almost been hit by a bike, moped, motorcycle, or rickshaw in my time here. Much like the car drivers and their horns here, bike riders liberally use their bells. Beijing is a loud city—I much prefer to keep my window closed at all times just because of how loud it can be, even on a college campus. The blare of car horns and bike bells sounds dissonant against a person’s rapid-fire Beijing dialect and the screech of children playing outside my window. It can become bothersome when I’m trying to study or relax, so I could relate to what my classmate was saying.

So, while it becomes easier to ignore some of these things and the way they make me feel, there are some days when all of it seems to pile on. Those are the days I miss home the most. I miss the smell of Michigan in autumn, the changing of the leaves. I miss my friends who are in other countries, I miss Kalamazoo College, even. I miss the routine and ease of my life in the U.S. I miss my family, my cat. I miss my bed! Of course, it’s easy to remind myself that all of this is temporary and that I’m growing as a person from this experience, but sometimes my craving for a burrito is so intense I wonder if I’ll really be able to survive these next four months (I’m only kind of kidding. It’s insane the things I’d do for a burrito right now).

It makes it infinitely harder to move through the murk of homesickness when I can’t talk to my family and friends much. My studies take up the majority of my time here, so even when I do have time to talk, my internet doesn’t work. It’s difficult to accept that what happens in my friends’ and family’s lives goes on whether or not I’m there, whether or not I can talk to them. At Kalamazoo College, we have a phenomenon that everyone experiences called “The K Bubble,” where you get so consumed in life at K that you can forget that things happen and life exists outside of K College. Right now, I feel trapped inside a “China Bubble;” I can mostly only consume Chinese news, use Chinese apps, speak Chinese, eat Chinese food. It can be especially isolating, but it gives me a better understanding of what life in China is truly like. This does not signify that Chinese people don’t know about the West, don’t eat Western foods, don’t watch Western movies, use Western apps. Of course, they do all of these things, but perhaps not with great ease.

When I’m feeling this way, it’s easy to isolate myself even further and coop up in my room under the guise of homework. I know that this is counter-intuitive, though, so I have a few things I like to do to take my mind off of it, like spending time with my friends who are here with me, whether they are other students from K or not. It’s especially reassuring, though, having a great support network between us K students here. Sometimes it feels more like home when I spend time with friends from K.

I also like to laugh (laughter is the best medicine, right?). One night this week, we had to watch a movie for my class, so a group of us gathered in my friend’s room to watch it and make jokes in Chinese. Joking around with the teachers at CET is really fun too, since most of our “Chinese” jokes are just poor Chinese translations of English jokes. It’s fun trying to explain them to our teachers!

Getting outside is great, too, since I’m in my classroom building from 8:40 a.m. until 11:30 a.m., then from 1:00 p.m. until 2:30 p.m., and I usually stick around there until 6:00 p.m. to do homework. It’s still really hot here (90 F today!), but in the late afternoon after class, sometimes my friends and I will take a short walk to the campus convenience store and stock up on snacks and make a quick stop at one of the many fruit stores for our favorites (my favorites here are tangerines and peaches). One of my friends stocks up on dragon fruit every time we go. They’re super cheap, fragrant, and beautiful! It’s definitely on my list to buy, but they’re a bit daunting when it comes to cutting them.

Last weekend, a couple of friends and I went to a popular underground mall in Beijing. It truly was an experience—it’s like nothing like I’ve ever really seen before. It’s connected to a subway stop and has three floors. They have a good balance between Chinese stores and Western stores, but the prices at popular Western stores are extremely high, so we only bought things from Chinese stores (Pics included of what I bought!). My mom thankfully convinced me to go out with my friends that day, as I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to because I still had a lot of homework to complete. I’m really glad I did though since I had a great time. I’ll definitely be going back there!

My class also took another trip to a museum this week. This week we learned about Chinese customs: gift-giving, marriage, greetings, and New Year customs. We went to the Beijing National Museum (首都博物馆) to see an exhibition about Beijing/northern Chinese customs. There were several parts to the exhibition, from marriage customs to customs surrounding children and elders. It was all really interesting and included a lot of artifacts from the Ming and Qing dynasties and the Republic era.

Next week begins the celebration of 国庆节, or China’s National holiday. This year they’re celebrating China’s 70^th birthday, so this year’s performances will be extravagant since it’s a decennial celebration. They’ve been preparing for the parade and showcase since I arrived in Beijing, with nearly nightly practices at a small sports ground on campus. Many of my classmates and friends will be traveling outside of Beijing for the six-day break we get, but I’ll be staying on campus with some other folks. This is one of the longest holidays in China, so most people make up for missed school/work on the weekend following the break. However, to ensure we still have that weekend free, my program put together an activity for us this morning to do, a “class” of sorts. It kicked off at 9:45 a.m., with a game of Chinese charades. While my team didn’t win, I still had a great time playing and got to test my Chinese skills. After that, we headed to our campus’ café, Cheese Fans, to make 饺子 (jiao zi), Chinese dumplings. It’s not easy! I was a little frustrated, but hopefully I can try again some time.

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While we waited for our dumplings to cook, we enjoyed a feast of Western food, some of the first Western food I’ve had in my time here! It was all really tasty. Some of the dishes included paella, salad, fresh fruits, broccoli, popcorn chicken, French fries, and iced tea. Oh yeah, and our dumplings! It was fun for all of us to laugh at the poorly made dumplings, trying to guess who’s were who’s, and pointing out which ones were obviously our teachers’. We chatted and joked over our meal, all in Chinese of course. It was even one of my classmate’s birthdays, so we enjoyed some cake at the end of our meal. I had a really fun day, so it’s definitely times like these that the homesickness isn’t all-consuming. It seems like just what I needed. Right now, though, I’m really looking forward to an extended break to catch up on some sleep and see the city!